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Confessions of a troll

Troll-hunter: Long have you tortured my people, you ugly troll. But now it’s over. You’ll tell me everything you know or else I’m going to put you in this box and I’m going to bore you to death.

Troll: Oh please, nooo. I don’t want to go into the box. I want to stay here.

Troll-hunter: Well then, speak. Tell me all that you know.

Troll: Take it easy. Can you loosen the collar so I can breath? …. Oh that is better. Where to begin, where to begin? Ah that is right. I saw some of your villagers were wearing masks when you dragged me in here.

Troll-hunter: That is right. What about the masks? They’re just trying to protect their loved ones. Don’t you know there is deadly dis-ease circulating?

Troll: Hahahaahaa, woooohaaaahaaa. Oh please give me minute. Aaaaahhaaahahaaa. Woeeehaaaaa.

Troll-hunter: What is so funny, you ugly troll. Tell me or I’ll ….

Troll: Alright, alright. You humans are so sensitive and can’t even take a joke. Those masks your villagers wear are as useless as a box of rocks. They’re not made to prevent dis-ease. They were made to prevent health-workers from contaminating an open wound or help construction-workers breath in a dusty environment.

Troll-hunter: I see. We use it as a tool to prevent a possible spread.

Troll: Aaaaaaahahahah, woooohaaa. What spread? Who said this dis-ease was contagious? Who said it was deadly? I guess it’s true what they say. You humans are dumber that the shit of an earthworm. I’m surprised how you all managed to survive this long with this foolishness.

Troll-hunter: I did manage to capture your ugly ass, didn’t I. Continue, you filthy maggot.

Troll: Oke, oke. No need for name-calling. And yes, what you lack in intelligence you somewhat compensate in strength. But don’t interrupt me again and listen if you feeble mind can handle what I have to say. First, the masks won’t protect you against anything. They will cause you more harm than good because the people in your village are not physicians and are not trained to wear masks, especially not for an extended period of time. What happens is that masks get dirty and wet and will cause a wide range of diseases including the one you fear. And that is just on a physical level.

Troll-hunter: You lie. They told us that masks work and will protect us.

Troll: Oh my God, you guys are really that stupid. Thank God created me as a troll and not as stupid human being.

Troll-hunter: You believe in God?

Troll: Off course, did you think I created myself or that my parents were like dragons or something. I must say that the stories about the stupidity of human beings were not exaggerated.

Troll-hunter: So, what is the real reason it’s recommended by our leaders?

Troll: Your leaders are as weak as your small mind is. Can’t you think for yourself, stupid hunter?

Troll-hunter: Keep it up and I will put you in the box, filthy maggot.

Troll: Oke, no pasa nada hombre. Oh yes, the masks have a more insidious function than you could ever imagine. First, on a long enough timeline the mask-wearer will feel more distant towards his fellowman and will develop an alter ego that will be less courteous, less polite and more cruel, envious and greedy. He or she won’t recognise himself in the other and thus will act in a more inhumane matter. Not all will undergo this transformation but most will change psychologically without even knowing it. The masks will turn all your friendly villagers into an egocentric, self-loving, cruel and superficial people without any compassion or love.

Troll-hunter: I don’t believe it. A mask can’t change the behavior or the essence of people. You lie. Tell me the truth, maggot.

Troll: I’ve told you the truth but I guess you choose to reject the truth when presented with it.

Troll-hunter: Next you’re going to tell me that keeping a bit of distance is also a bad thing.

Troll: Well, yes actually. You people connect on a deeper level when you are within six feet. This distancing will keep you scared and unable to connect with each, a feature that some consider to be your greatest strengths. I don’t think I have to mention that you’ll most likely will reproduce less and have less meaningful relationships. For centuries my overlords have tried to divide your people but somehow in the end you always united. I guess, we have found your weak spot because now we are using your goodness against you. Your willingness to save other people has made you as obedient and divided like we wanted.

Troll-hunter: You evil creature, you lie. Tell me the truth.

Troll: I’m not lying. The truth is that you are not saving anybody with keeping your distance or wearing a mask. In contrary, you’re condemning your people to a faith I myself fear the most. Isolation. There are worst things than dead. If I wasn’t afraid of the isolation box you’ve threatened me with, I wouldn’t have spilled my guts about the plans of my overlords.

Troll-hunter: Oke, continue.

Troll: The same goes for these stay at home orders from your corrupted leaders. They are saying that those vital business are not essential. The truth is that if they were not essential they wouldn’t exist in the first place and the one’s who are giving the orders are the one’s who are truly not essential. They think they represent you or think for you but the only thing they’re after is to control and manipulate you.

Simply because they believe they lack control. Our overlords have conditioned them to think like that and those who were not susceptible for this, we corrupted. And the incorruptible, we blackmailed. And the spineless, we threatened. And the brave, we killed.

By following the stay at home orders you are indirectly killing more people than you could ever imagine. Furthermore, you are spending your time and energy in a small area where my overlords control every aspect. And by not producing anything, you are making yourself more dependent on my overlords for your most basic needs. And because the hand that gives is above the hand that takes, we can thus set terms on every aspect of your life.

I do think that every troll knows when he or she is being held hostage. You humans don’t seem the grasp this very concept except when somebody is threatening you with a sword or something. But If I remove the sword but demand absolute compliance with every breath, you guys think you’re still free.

Troll-hunter: Enough with this nonsense. Either you tell me what else you got, or you going into the box.

Troll: Oke, Oke. No need to get physical. I’ve already told you the truth. But I will continue. Soon your corrupted leader will present your people with a medicine for a dis-ease that was never there, except off course the normal flu and what not. And we will sell it as if taking the medicine is the normal way to behave. Hence creating another wig between the obedient and divergent among you. The art of the sell is first make you believe you lack or need something and those among you who peddle with improving one’s wellness with a balanced diet, we’ll portray as opportunistic charlatans.

Troll-hunter: So there is medicine. Thank God.

Troll: Oh my. Haven’t you heard what I said. There is no dis-ease, hairy human. This medicine serves only one purpose. To make your people sicker than they already were. Less fertile. Less resistant to common flu’s and what have you. And the people that do manage to survive for an extended period of time after the medicine, will be more susceptible to all kinds of enchantments due to a chemical inside the medicine.

Troll-hunter: The medicine is cursed? What nonsense. There hasn’t been a witch or wizard around these parts of land for years.

Troll: Your stupidity keeps on giving. Now I am certain God exist because you simply don’t have the mental capacity to survive on your own.

Troll-hunter: I am considered by many of my people to be a wise man. And besides it’s not me who wears a collar like a dog.

Troll: Nice comeback human, but let me retort. The plan is to make love look filthy but sex look like fun. The plan is to make love and affection illegal. The plan is to make normal business look like dis-ease spreaders. The plan is destroy every small independent business-owner and leave only the controlled big-box companies. The plan is to reduce the human population on a grand scale to make room for us, trolls. The plan is to feminize every brave man to further enhance our agenda. The plan is to make the children sick so all the parents resources go towards saving the small instead of ever achieving wisdom, happiness or independence. The plan is to encourage diversity in every way possible so the children will spend their lives wandering who they are. The plan is to make having babies abnormal and having abortions normal. The plan is to make children believe there is no God which will turn them into materialistic beings and afraid to live and die. The plan is to make every person who tells our plans look like a fool who endangers the community by not complying. The plan is to control all the food so your children end up begging us for food. The plan is to make your people our slaves so that your children end up kissing and washing our feet.

Troll-hunter: Enough with this endless non-sense. I don’t want to hear this anymore. I asked you for the truth and and all you gave me is a bunch of troll-talk. To lock you up in the box would be a torture for the box. Go and disperse, you filthy troll-maggot. And don’t let me see you trolling around these parts of land because I will have your head.

Troll: Thank you, Thank you so much. I would like to pay you for your kindness but the funny thing is that I already have.

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